ROLLERGIRL REGIMENT 100, PAPER DOLLS 44
Foxz fanz new and old packed Players Choice in Appleton on January 12th to be part of the pain, pomp, and pageantry that was the Foxz Season 5 opener. A battle of former champions kicked off the madcap rumpus of the 2012 home season, with inaugural-season champions the Rollergirl Regiment taking on the league’s only two-time champions, the Paper Dolls. The Dolls put up a big lead out of the gate, with departing jammer Flirty McFly using a major back-blocking penalty on Regiment jammer Lotta Issues to ring up a fast 10-0 Paper Dolls advantage after the first jam. The Dolls’ advantage was short-lived, however, as the Regiment’s defense stifled the injury-depleted Paper Dolls’ makeshift jamming corps of Flirty, Gixx-Her, Sixx Toe Foo, Olive Glitter and Ninjalina Jolie, holding them scoreless in seven of the next nine jams. After a slow start of their own — the Regiment’s jammer rotation of Lotta, Secretary of Skate and Monkey Shines only mustering seven points of their own thru the first seven jams — the Reg finally broke thru in the eighth jam, with sporadically-used jammer Lulu Palooza going off for an eight point jam which gave the Regiment their first lead, 15-12. After Lotta Issues added two points to their lead in the ninth, Secretary of Skate broke the game wide open with an 18-0 tenth jam, as the Regiment’s defense shut down a beleaguered Sixx Toe Foo to give the Redge a 37-14 advantage. Flirty McFly got eight points back for the Paper Dolls with another superb jam, and the Dolls’ defense stiffened, keeping the Regiment off the board for the remainder of the period. The bout went to halftime with the Dolls’ deficit at a very manageable eight points, 37-29. A huge differential in penalty minutes – two minutes spent in the box for the Dolls, as opposed to the Regiment’s unsightly eleven – also helped keep the Dolls close in the first half.
Lotta Issues broke the Regiment’s three-jam scoreless streak with a 4-0 run to start the second period and put the Reg up 41-29, but it was Secretary of Skate who delivered the knockout punch in the next jam, using a major track cut penalty on Dolls jammer Sixx Toe Foo to ring up an uncontested 20 points, putting the Regiment up big, 61-29, early in the second period. Secretary’s twenty-point jam proved to be more points than the Paper Dolls would muster for the entirety of the second half, with Olive Glitter’s mid-period grand slam the only bright spot in an otherwise moribund half for the Dolls. The Regiment kept their foot on the gas, with 8-0 jams by Secretary in the 5th, and Wilma Fingerdo in the 8th. The Regiment’s final fifteen points were scored by fan favorite Sprocket, whose diminutive size confounded Dolls blockers searching in vain for her legal blocking zones. A fourth minor penalty on Dolls jammer Olive Glitter allowed Sprocket to squirt thru the pack for three grand slams in her first jam since the bad old days of the “jammerless jam” ruleset ((under which the Foxz played their first season)), bringing the Regiment’s scoring up to an even hundred points. The fickle mistress that is the penalty box did no favors to the Paper Dolls in the second period, who doubled up the Regiment’s penalty minutes twelve to six. When the dust settled, the Regiment had tick-tick-BOOMed to a 100-44 victory, and seem well-positioned to make another run at the league title in May. Secretary of Skate led all scorers with 46 points, single-handedly outscoring the entire Paper Dolls team, who were paced by Flirty McFly with 25. No other Dolls scored in double digits. Mz. Shuggah and Sprocket each added 15 for the Regiment.
8QUEEN WHEELERS 149, PUSHY POSSE 60
While the nightcap of the evening’s double-header was a rehash of last season’s championship game, the results were anything but identical, with last season’s runners-up, the 8Queen Wheelers, soundly thrashing defending champions the Pushy Posse in an upset few saw coming.
Things started off in a low-key enough fashion for both squads, with an unremarkable 4-3 Wheelers lead after the first two jams. In a bit of a surprise, the game’s first real excitement came courtesy of Wheeler jammer Gixx-Her, who, despite being infrequently used at the jammer position and having already lent her services to the undermanned Paper Dolls in the evening’s earlier bout, raced out to a 10-0 third jam over Blazin’ Butterfly, one-third of the Posse’s standard jammer triumvirate. The Wheelers’ menacing defense – clearly the dominant defensive force in the league last year – began to completely stifle the Posse’s championship jammer rotation of Blazin’, Tootzy Roll-Her, and Skeater Beater, blanking the Posse in seven of the bout’s first nine jams while holding them to seven points overall. Not content to allow their defense to perform the entirety of the heavy lifting, the Wheelers’ offense went similarly ballistic, with Derrierress – returning tanned, rested and ready after 2011’s season-ending injury — throwing up another seven unanswered points in the next jam. After a couple of low-scoring jams left the score at 27-7 in favor of the Wheelers, team captain Boun C. Ballz lowered the boom with an unanswered triple grand slam in the 7th, putting the Wheelers up big at 42-7. Huge penalty trouble across the board wrecked the Posse’s 8th jam, allowing to Dizzy Dame to effectively put the game away in the first half with a 19-0 run that brought the Wheeler lead up to a daunting 61-7. While 61 points would prove to be all the points the Wheelers would need in the game, Ballz continued the scoring bonanza with her second triple-grand-slam in the space of three jams, leaving the score at a ridiculous 76-6 after the game’s first nine jams. The Wheelers took the rest of the half off to goof off, allowing Blazin’ Butterfly to use a major back block penalty on the Derrierress to chop fourteen points off the Wheeler lead in the 10th jam. Skeater Beater scratched out a point in the next jam, while Tootzy Roll-Her earned a grand slam at the end of the half to send the Posse to the halftime break trailing 76-27.
The Posse showed some signs of life in the second half, with Skeater blanking Gixx-Her for a grand slam to start the period, reducing the Posse’s deficit to 44 points at 76-32. Apparently growing tired of such malarkey, Derrierress ended the Wheelers four-jam scoreless streak with a quadruple-grand-slam in the next jam, taking advantage of an ill-timed fourth minor on Posse jammer Tootzy Roll-Her to triple up the Posse at 96-32. After a relatively sedate 4-0 jam by Boun C. Ballz boosted the Wheelers’ advantage to 100-32, Dizzy Dame went off for a double-grand-slam to add ten more points to the Wheelers’ lead. Skeater countered with a grand slam of her own to make the score 110-37,but the Wheelers continued to grow their lead over the course of the next three jams, despite only claiming lead jammer status in one of them. With no real reason to worry about anything other than killing clock, Dizzy Dame grabbed lead for the Wheelers and let the next jam cruise to a 13-8 finish, leaving the Wheelers up 135-53 two- thirds of the way thru the second period. After a number of jams of no real consequence, Gixx-Her concluded the game’s scoring with a 12-0 exclamation point, finalizing the parameters of the Wheelers’ revenge for last season’s championship game at 147-60. While it’s certainly too early to panic for the defending champion Pushy Posse – after all, we’re talking about a team who lost the first three games of the season in which they eventually won the championship – one would be hard-pressed to claim that, after this bout, the 8Queen Wheelers – who have played in – and lost – every championship game this league has had since its inception – don’t look like the early favorites. Dizzy Dame of the Wheelers led all scorers with 50 points, followed by teammates Boun C. Ballz ((42)), Derrierress ((35)) and Gixx-Her ((22)). Skeater Beater led the Posse with 30 points, while Blazin’ Butterfly added 24.
Next bout is Saturday, February 21st, at Players Choice! Seeya there ((unless my white cateye
prescription sunglasses are dirty))!