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Wheelers Take Championship From Regiment in Instant Classic

Tuesday, July 3rd, 2012

Wheels blazed, blocks flew, empires crumbled and pretty much everyone lost their voice at the Fox Cityz Foxz season five championships at Player’s Choice May 19th.


PUSHY POSSE 123, PAPER DOLLS 54


The undercard bout for third place held little in the way of drama, as last season’s champions, the Pushy Posse, struck early and often against the overmatched, rebuilding Paper Dolls, putting the game out of reach early on. The Posse nabbed lead jammer status in each of the first six jams, holding the young and inexperienced Dolls off the boards for five jams, and mounting a quick 33-3 lead helped in large part by a fourth-jam grand slam by Olive Glitter, and a fifth-jam triple grand slam for Tootzy Rollher whilst Dolls jammer Butt Quack was boxed for a major, er, “quack” cut. The Dolls battled back, taking lead jammer status in the next two jams whilst keeping the Posse off the board. The Devil’s Reject threw down a grand slam for the Dolls in the seventh jam, and veteran jammer Slick Nikki added eight in the eighth, bringing the Dolls back to a very respectable 33-16 deficit two-thirds of the way thru the first period. The Posse would brook no further Dolls insolence, however, and took lead jammer status for each of the period’s remaining frames, shutting out the Dolls for the rest of the half whilst using multiple grand slam jams by Blazin’ Butterfly and Tootzy Rollher to cruise to a 64-16 halftime lead, notable for being the first time anyone’s ever led anyone by two-to-the-sixth-power to two-to-the-fourth-power at halftime at any of our games, ever.


The Dolls made a go of it in the second half, gaining lead jammer status for seven of the period’s thirteen jams, but big jams by Butt Quack and Scoutin’ U Out ((8-0 and 6-0, respectively)) were cancelled out by similarly superb jams by Blazin’ Butterly and Tootzy Rollher ((15-0, 5-0 and 8-4)), and the Posse rolled to a 123-54 victory over the improving Paper Dolls. In the game’s final jam, in what deeply symbolic on some grander cosmic scale, retiring jammer Slick Nikki rang up a quick nine points in her final jam as a Fox Cityz Fox – then picked up her fourth minor, and finished her career in the penalty box.


Tootzy RollHer led all scorers with 56 points; teammate Blazin’ Butterfly added 47 for the Posse. On her final night on skates ((or so it is claimed)), Slick Nikki paced the Paper Dolls with 26.


8QUEEN WHEELERS 88, ROLLERGIRL REGIMENT 81


In what almost certainly must have been the most exciting bout in the history of the Fox Cityz Foxz, the 8Queen Wheelers held on against the Rollergirl Regiment to secure their first ever league championship, in a replay of the league’s inaugural 2008 title game that had fans, skaters, and announcers alike shouting themselves hoarse by bout’s end.


The Wheelers had, over the course of the last two seasons, often appeared dominant – primarily on the strength of their suffocating defense, and the offensive pyrotechnics supplied by the league’s most effective jammer, Dizzy Dame. With Dizzy out for the season, however, the Wheelers were forced to employ a jammer-by-committee approach – an approach sufficiently fruitful to get them into the title game, though questions remained as to whether a Dizzy-less Wheelers could muster enough offensive firepower to wrest the team’s first championship from the hands of the strategically-minded Rollergirl Regiment.


From the onset, it appeared that both teams were ready to play things pretty close to the vest – proceding cautiously with an intent to nickel and dime their scores upward, little by little. Each team acquired lead jammer status within the space of the first two jams, and the Wheelers had eked out a tiny 2-0 lead in the process. A jam which went the full two minutes suddenly reversed the complexion of the game, with Monkey Shines socking away 13 points to Gixx-Her’s 7, putting the Redge up by four after three jams, 13-9. The Wheelers then did what the Wheelers do best: Clamp down on defense. Stifled by the wall of Wheeler backsides, the Regiment was held to a single point over the course of the next six jams, with the Wheelers taking lead jammer status for six uninterrupted jams. After nine jams, the Wheelers had doubled up the Redge, 28-14, with a nice 9-0 fifth by the Derrieress serving as the focal point of the Wheeler offense during that period. A tenth jam which went the full two minutes threw ten points on the board for the Wheelers courtesy of Boun C. Ballz, and nine for the Redge via Monkey Shines, but only served to add a single point to the Wheeler lead. Derrieress, however, rumbled to another outstanding jam, dropping an 11-0 run on the Regiment, bolstering the Wheeler lead to 49-23, and it appeared that the Wheelers were starting to take control. A grand slam by Lotta Issues helped snip a few points off the Wheeler lead; at the half the Regiment found themselves down 52-29.


A 4-0 jam by Boun C. Ballz pushed the Wheeler lead out to 56-29, and it appeared as though the Wheelers might have their long-awaited revenge on the Regiment – who, back in the Foxz’ first season, upset the heavily-favored Wheelers in the first-ever championship game. The Regiment clearly had other ideas. Starting with the second jam of the period, the Redge went to work on defense, holding the Wheelers scoreless for the next six jams, while the Regiment’s jammer corps of Monkey Shines, Secretary of Skate and Lotta Issues grabbed lead jammer status six times in a row. Midway thru the second period, the Regiment had scratched back – now only trailing 56-50 – and the crowd was going nuts. The Wheelers stopped the bleeding by rattling off a 17-2 run over the course of the next four jams, repositioning themselves in a somewhat less perilous position with a 73-52 lead with under ten minutes to play. However, when a major track cut sent Wheelers jammer Boun C. Ballz to the penalty box, Secretary of Skate capitalized with a huge 15-0 jam, and the Regiment were right back in it, 73-67, much to the crowd’s rabid delight. Ballz returned from the sin bin in the 13th jam, but was blanked, 4-0, by Monkey Shines, cutting the Regiment’s deficit to a mere two points – 73-71 – with under five minutes to play and the crowd now going absolutely berserk. Still jamming for the Wheelers, Ballz was sent back to the box for a major low block, and, in her absence, Lulu Palooza – the Regiment’s #4 jamming option – whirled off two uncontested grand slams, giving the Regiment their first lead of the game, 81-73, with under two minutes to play, and no one in the building not screaming.

Disaster struck the Regiment in the following jam, however, when a major track cut assessed on Monkey Shines allowed Ballz – the Wheelers’ jammer of record for the last four jams and counting – to grab lead and throw down a TRIPLE grand slam, putting the Wheelers back up, 88-81, and time set to expire. As lead jammer, Ballz could simply let the game clock run out for the Wheelers, and they’d claim their long-awaited first championship. HOWEVER! In what would have surely gone down as the greatest single brain-fart in Fox Cityz Foxz league history had the bout’s outcome been otherwise, Ballz CALLED OFF THE JAM with TIME LEFT ON THE CLOCK, and the Regiment still with a time out. Regiment bench coach Punk ‘N’ Spice immediately signaled for time, which – after a meticulous zebra huddle – was granted, with two seconds left on the game clock and the Wheelers up by 7. Pandemonium reigned! It seemed fated that the Regiment pull out this most improbable of comebacks – but, alas, Fate had other plans: Jamming for the fifth consecutive jam, Boun C. Ballz atoned for her potentially-devastating clock-management blunder by grabbing lead over Secretary of Skate, and, with the clock showing naught but zeros, calling off the jam for real this time, earning the Wheelers a hard-fought championship trophy.


The Derrieress led all scorers with 37; fellow Wheeler Boun C. Ballz added 36. High scorers for the Regiment were Monkey Shines with 33, and Secretary of Skate with 29.

POSSE DESTROYS DOLLS; REGIMENT SQUEAKS BY WHEELERS

Monday, March 19th, 2012
The second bout of Fox Cityz Foxz Season 5 served up both a nailbiter and a blowout at Player’s Choice
in Appleton on February 24th, with plenty of slam-bang women’s flat-track derby action from pillar
to post ((NOTE: We here at the Foxz website have no actual idea what the term “from pillar to post”
means, but they say it on wrestling, so it must mean something awesome)).
Pushy Posse 122, Paper Dolls 32
The first bout of the evening served up both good news and bad news for former two-time champions
the Paper Dolls: The good news was that, for the first time in over a year, the Dolls had enough healthy
skaters on their roster to field a complete squad without resorting to borrowing skaters from other
teams. The bad news was that it didn’t seem to help them much. The largely inexperienced 2012 edition
of the Paper Dolls proved no match for the defending champion Pushy Posse, who led from wire to wire
and were never seriously challenged during the contest. The troubles started almost immediately for
the Dolls, when jammer Slick Nikki – one of the team’s few holdovers from their championship years
– was boxed for a major back block in the very first jam. Posse jammer Olive Glitter wasted no time in
making mincemeat of the inexperienced Dolls defense, ringing up a triple grand slam to put the Posse
up 15-0 after the first jam. With Slick starting the next jam in the box, former Paper Doll Tootzy Roll-Her
was able to add another grand slam for the Posse before Slick Nikki emerged, grabbed lead jammer, and
ended the jam. Blazin’ Butterfly added another four points for the Posse in the third jam, and the Dolls
found themselves on the wrong end of a 24-0 score. Slick Nikki got the Dolls on the board in the fourth
jam, picking up a tidy nine points when Posse jammer Norma Leigh Sweet was sent to the sin bin on a
major forearm, cutting the Dolls deficit to a manageable 24-9. The Dolls mini-comeback was short-lived,
however, as Tootzy Roll-Her leveraged a major track cut penalty on Dolls rookie jammer Butt Quack to
rack up a colossal 19-0 jam on her old team, putting the Posse up 43-9 after five jams. The forty-three
points scored by the Posse in the game’s initial five jams would prove to be all the scoring they’d need
for the rest of the contest, as the Posse’s savvy pack presence had little problem containing the Dolls’
raw recruits, holding them to just twenty-three more points throughout the game and restraining their
offense to single-scoring-pass jams for the rest of the night.
Tootzy Roll-Her led all scorers with 51 points for the Posse; her teammates Olive Glitter and Blazin’
Butterfly added 36 and 32, respectively. Slick Nikki paced the Dolls with 23. The victory evens the
Posse’s record at 1-1; the Dolls stay winless at 0-2. On a historical note, this game marked the Pushy
Posse’s first-ever victory over the Paper Dolls in the team’s five-season history.
Rollergirl Regiment 74, 8Queen Wheelers 68
In marked contrast to the first bout of the evening, the Regiment-Wheelers skirmish proved to be a
hotly-contested affair not decided til the final seconds of the last jam. After a scoreless first jam that
presaged the defensive intensity to come, LuLu Palooza scored the first points of the evening in the
second jam to put the Regiment up 2-0. The Regiment would not lead again for almost fifty-eight
minutes, as Dizzy Dame put the Wheelers up by two with a 4-0 third jam. Boun C. Ballz added four
more for the Wheelers in the fourth, while Monkey Shines scratched out three for the Redge in the
next jam, leaving the score at a miserly 8-5 after five jams — the bout was clearly not shaping up to be a
free-wheeling offensive fiesta. The Wheelers and their imposing Wall O’ Fannies clamped down on the
Regiment, keeping them off the board for the next three jams while Dizzy Dame and Gixx-Her scratched
out eight more points for the ladies in lime and blue, bringing the Wheeler lead to 16-5 midway thru the
first period. Yaya Der Hey got the Regiment back on the board with a grand slam following a major track
cut by Wheelers jammer Derrierress, but when Yaya started the next jam in the box after receiving an
illegal procedure major for successfully calling off the jam while not lead jammer, Derrierress recouped
the points surrendered previously, and the score stood 24-13 after ten jams. After a pair of low-scoring
jams cut the Wheeler lead to ten at 28-18, Secretary of Skate took advantage of a major track cut on
rarely-jammed Just The Hip to run up seven unanswered points for the Regiment, whittling their deficit
down to a measly three points, 28-25, with under a minute to go in the first half. Unfortunately for the
Regiment, the penalty pendulum swung the other way during the period’s final jam, with Secretary
of Skate being called out on a major forearm, and Dizzy Dame ripping off a huge triple grand slam,
suddenly bolstering the Wheelers’ lead to 43-25 at the break.
The second half saw more low-scoring jams; by the end of the fourth jam, the Wheelers had added
another lone point to their lead, at 50-31. The Wheelers’ stout defense clamped down on Regiment
jammer Lulu Palooza in the fifth jam, holding her scoreless while Wring Leader rang up nine unanswered
points, and it looked like the Wheelers were finally gaining some separation on their arch-rivals, up 59-
31 after five. The Wheelers went up by an even thirty in the sixth jam, 63-33, but the Regiment took
advantage of a penalty-thinned Wheeler pack to scoot Lotta Issues through for a big 9-0 jam, bringing
the Redge within twenty-one at 63-42. Both defenses went into all-out assault mode; each team scored
only five points over the course of the next five jams, leaving the Wheeler lead at twenty-one after
the twelfth jam, 68-47, and the clock beginning to be a factor. The Regiment’s defense stepped it up,
keeping the Wheelers off the board in the thirteenth jam as Lulu Palooza clawed out three points to
cut the Redge deficit to eighteen, 68-50. With the penalty box once again full of Wheelers blockers,
Secretary of Skate fought for another four unanswered points for the Regiment, cutting the deficit
to fourteen, 68-54. As the clock dipped under the two minute mark, a major track cutting penalty
on Wheelers jammer Gixx-Her allowed Lulu Palooza to rattle off an unanswered grand slam for the
Regiment, cutting the Wheeler lead to single digits, 68-55, with time enough for one final jam. In what
could have only been a gift from the derby gods to the Regiment, Gixx-Her returned from the penalty
box and was sent promptly back for another major track cut, putting Monkey Shines of the Regiment
on a last-jam power jam. With the Redge down nine and time running out, Monkey got lead and sailed
thru the pack for one grand slam, cutting the Regiment’s deficit to four, 68-64 – then sailed thru a
second time, putting the Regiment up by a point – the resultant score of 69-68 was their first lead since
the second jam of the first period. As the game clock hit triple zero, Monkey opted to risk disaster by
continuing on a third scoring pass instead of calling off the jam and ending the game with the Redge up
one; disaster was averted as Monkey sailed thru the pack a third-time –thankfully penalty-free — calling
the jam and sealing the victory for the Rollergirl Regiment, 74-68.
Dizzy Dame led all scorers, posting 41 points in a losing effort for the Wheelers. Monkey Shines led a
balanced Regiment scoring attack with 22; Secretary of Skate, Lulu Palooza and Lotta Issues added 18,
14 and 12, respectively. The victory boosts the Rollergirl Regiment’s record to 2-0, whilst the Wheelers
fall to 1-1.
Don’t fail to see our next exciting episode on March 24th, when the undefeated Rollergirl Regiment take
on the defending champion Pushy Posse, and the youthful Paper Dolls take on the savvy veterans, the
8Queen Wheelers, at Player’s Choice in Appleton!

The second bout of Fox Cityz Foxz Season 5 served up both a nailbiter and a blowout at Player’s Choice in Appleton on February 24th, with plenty of slam-bang women’s flat-track derby action from pillar to post ((NOTE: We here at the Foxz website have no actual idea what the term “from pillar to post” means, but they say it on wrestling, so it must mean something awesome)).

Pushy Posse 122, Paper Dolls 32

The first bout of the evening served up both good news and bad news for former two-time champions the Paper Dolls: The good news was that, for the first time in over a year, the Dolls had enough healthy skaters on their roster to field a complete squad without resorting to borrowing skaters from other teams. The bad news was that it didn’t seem to help them much. The largely inexperienced 2012 edition of the Paper Dolls proved no match for the defending champion Pushy Posse, who led from wire to wire and were never seriously challenged during the contest. The troubles started almost immediately for the Dolls, when jammer Slick Nikki – one of the team’s few holdovers from their championship years – was boxed for a major back block in the very first jam. Posse jammer Olive Glitter wasted no time in making mincemeat of the inexperienced Dolls defense, ringing up a triple grand slam to put the Posse up 15-0 after the first jam. With Slick starting the next jam in the box, former Paper Doll Tootzy Roll-Her was able to add another grand slam for the Posse before Slick Nikki emerged, grabbed lead jammer, and ended the jam. Blazin’ Butterfly added another four points for the Posse in the third jam, and the Dolls found themselves on the wrong end of a 24-0 score. Slick Nikki got the Dolls on the board in the fourth jam, picking up a tidy nine points when Posse jammer Norma Leigh Sweet was sent to the sin bin on a major forearm, cutting the Dolls deficit to a manageable 24-9. The Dolls mini-comeback was short-lived, however, as Tootzy Roll-Her leveraged a major track cut penalty on Dolls rookie jammer Butt Quack to rack up a colossal 19-0 jam on her old team, putting the Posse up 43-9 after five jams. The forty-three points scored by the Posse in the game’s initial five jams would prove to be all the scoring they’d need for the rest of the contest, as the Posse’s savvy pack presence had little problem containing the Dolls’ raw recruits, holding them to just twenty-three more points throughout the game and restraining their offense to single-scoring-pass jams for the rest of the night.

Tootzy Roll-Her led all scorers with 51 points for the Posse; her teammates Olive Glitter and Blazin’ Butterfly added 36 and 32, respectively. Slick Nikki paced the Dolls with 23. The victory evens the Posse’s record at 1-1; the Dolls stay winless at 0-2. On a historical note, this game marked the Pushy Posse’s first-ever victory over the Paper Dolls in the team’s five-season history.

Rollergirl Regiment 74, 8Queen Wheelers 68

In marked contrast to the first bout of the evening, the Regiment-Wheelers skirmish proved to be a hotly-contested affair not decided til the final seconds of the last jam. After a scoreless first jam that presaged the defensive intensity to come, LuLu Palooza scored the first points of the evening in the second jam to put the Regiment up 2-0. The Regiment would not lead again for almost fifty-eight minutes, as Dizzy Dame put the Wheelers up by two with a 4-0 third jam. Boun C. Ballz added four more for the Wheelers in the fourth, while Monkey Shines scratched out three for the Redge in the next jam, leaving the score at a miserly 8-5 after five jams — the bout was clearly not shaping up to be a free-wheeling offensive fiesta. The Wheelers and their imposing Wall O’ Fannies clamped down on the Regiment, keeping them off the board for the next three jams while Dizzy Dame and Gixx-Her scratched out eight more points for the ladies in lime and blue, bringing the Wheeler lead to 16-5 midway thru the first period. Yaya Der Hey got the Regiment back on the board with a grand slam following a major track cut by Wheelers jammer Derrierress, but when Yaya started the next jam in the box after receiving an illegal procedure major for successfully calling off the jam while not lead jammer, Derrierress recouped the points surrendered previously, and the score stood 24-13 after ten jams. After a pair of low-scoring jams cut the Wheeler lead to ten at 28-18, Secretary of Skate took advantage of a major track cut on rarely-jammed Just The Hip to run up seven unanswered points for the Regiment, whittling their deficit down to a measly three points, 28-25, with under a minute to go in the first half. Unfortunately for the Regiment, the penalty pendulum swung the other way during the period’s final jam, with Secretary of Skate being called out on a major forearm, and Dizzy Dame ripping off a huge triple grand slam, suddenly bolstering the Wheelers’ lead to 43-25 at the break.

The second half saw more low-scoring jams; by the end of the fourth jam, the Wheelers had added another lone point to their lead, at 50-31. The Wheelers’ stout defense clamped down on Regiment jammer Lulu Palooza in the fifth jam, holding her scoreless while Wring Leader rang up nine unanswered points, and it looked like the Wheelers were finally gaining some separation on their arch-rivals, up 59- 31 after five. The Wheelers went up by an even thirty in the sixth jam, 63-33, but the Regiment took advantage of a penalty-thinned Wheeler pack to scoot Lotta Issues through for a big 9-0 jam, bringing the Redge within twenty-one at 63-42. Both defenses went into all-out assault mode; each team scored only five points over the course of the next five jams, leaving the Wheeler lead at twenty-one after the twelfth jam, 68-47, and the clock beginning to be a factor. The Regiment’s defense stepped it up, keeping the Wheelers off the board in the thirteenth jam as Lulu Palooza clawed out three points to cut the Redge deficit to eighteen, 68-50. With the penalty box once again full of Wheelers blockers, Secretary of Skate fought for another four unanswered points for the Regiment, cutting the deficit to fourteen, 68-54. As the clock dipped under the two minute mark, a major track cutting penalty on Wheelers jammer Gixx-Her allowed Lulu Palooza to rattle off an unanswered grand slam for the Regiment, cutting the Wheeler lead to single digits, 68-55, with time enough for one final jam. In what could have only been a gift from the derby gods to the Regiment, Gixx-Her returned from the penalty box and was sent promptly back for another major track cut, putting Monkey Shines of the Regiment on a last-jam power jam. With the Redge down nine and time running out, Monkey got lead and sailed thru the pack for one grand slam, cutting the Regiment’s deficit to four, 68-64 – then sailed thru a second time, putting the Regiment up by a point – the resultant score of 69-68 was their first lead since the second jam of the first period. As the game clock hit triple zero, Monkey opted to risk disaster by continuing on a third scoring pass instead of calling off the jam and ending the game with the Redge up one; disaster was averted as Monkey sailed thru the pack a third-time –thankfully penalty-free — calling the jam and sealing the victory for the Rollergirl Regiment, 74-68.

Dizzy Dame led all scorers, posting 41 points in a losing effort for the Wheelers. Monkey Shines led a balanced Regiment scoring attack with 22; Secretary of Skate, Lulu Palooza and Lotta Issues added 18, 14 and 12, respectively. The victory boosts the Rollergirl Regiment’s record to 2-0, whilst the Wheelers fall to 1-1.

Don’t fail to see our next exciting episode on March 24th, when the undefeated Rollergirl Regiment take on the defending champion Pushy Posse, and the youthful Paper Dolls take on the savvy veterans, the 8Queen Wheelers, at Player’s Choice in Appleton!

WHEELERS WAIL, REGIMENT ROLLS AT FOXZ FIFTH SEASON OPENER

Thursday, February 16th, 2012
ROLLERGIRL REGIMENT 100, PAPER DOLLS 44
Foxz fanz new and old packed Players Choice in Appleton on January 12th to be part of the pain, pomp,
and pageantry that was the Foxz Season 5 opener. A battle of former champions kicked off the madcap
rumpus of the 2012 home season, with inaugural-season champions the Rollergirl Regiment taking on
the league’s only two-time champions, the Paper Dolls. The Dolls put up a big lead out of the gate, with
departing jammer Flirty McFly using a major back-blocking penalty on Regiment jammer Lotta Issues
to ring up a fast 10-0 Paper Dolls advantage after the first jam. The Dolls’ advantage was short-lived,
however, as the Regiment’s defense stifled the injury-depleted Paper Dolls’ makeshift jamming corps
of Flirty, Gixx-Her, Sixx Toe Foo, Olive Glitter and Ninjalina Jolie, holding them scoreless in seven of the
next nine jams. After a slow start of their own — the Regiment’s jammer rotation of Lotta, Secretary
of Skate and Monkey Shines only mustering seven points of their own thru the first seven jams — the
Redge finally broke thru in the eighth jam, with sporadically-used jammer Lulu Palooza going off for
an eight point jam which gave the Regiment their first lead, 15-12. After Lotta Issues added two points
to their lead in the ninth, Secretary of Skate broke the game wide open with an 18-0 tenth jam, as
the Regiment’s defense shut down a beleaguered Sixx Toe Foo to give the Redge a 37-14 advantage.
Flirty McFly got eight points back for the Paper Dolls with another superb jam, and the Dolls’ defense
stiffened, keeping the Regiment off the board for the remainder of the period. The bout went to
halftime with the Dolls’ deficit at a very manageable eight points, 37-29. A huge differential in penalty
minutes – two minutes spent in the box for the Dolls, as opposed to the Regiment’s unsightly eleven –
also helped keep the Dolls close in the first half.
Lotta Issues broke the Regiment’s three-jam scoreless streak with a 4-0 run to start the second period
and put the Redge up 41-29, but it was Secretary of Skate who delivered the knockout punch in the
next jam, using a major track cut penalty on Dolls jammer Sixx Toe Foo to ring up an uncontested 20
points, putting the Regiment up big, 61-29, early in the second period. Secretary’s twenty-point jam
proved to be more points than the Paper Dolls would muster for the entirety of the second half, with
Olive Glitter’s mid-period grand slam the only bright spot in an otherwise moribund half for the Dolls.
The Regiment kept their foot on the gas, with 8-0 jams by Secretary in the 5th, and Wilma Fingerdo in
the 8th. The Regiment’s final fifteen points were scored by fan favorite Sprocket, whose diminutive size
confounded Dolls blockers searching in vain for her legal blocking zones. A fourth minor penalty on
Dolls jammer Olive Glitter allowed Sprocket to squirt thru the pack for three grand slams in her first jam
since the bad old days of the “jammerless jam” ruleset ((under which the Foxz played their first season)),
bringing the Regiment’s scoring up to an even hundred points. The fickle mistress that is the penalty box
did no favors to the Paper Dolls in the second period, who doubled up the Regiment’s penalty minutes
twelve to six. When the dust settled, the Regiment had tick-tick-BOOMed to a 100-44 victory, and seem
well-positioned to make another run at the league title in May. Secretary of Skate led all scorers with 46
points, single-handedly outscoring the entire Paper Dolls team, who were paced by Flirty McFly with 25.
No other Dolls scored in double digits. Mz. Shuggah and Sprocket each added 15 for the Regiment.
8QUEEN WHEELERS 149, PUSHY POSSE 60
While the nightcap of the evening’s double-header was a rehash of last season’s championship game,
the results were anything but identical, with last season’s runners-up, the 8Queen Wheelers, soundly
thrashing defending champions the Pushy Posse in an upset few saw coming.
Things started off in a low-key enough fashion for both squads, with an unremarkable 4-3 Wheelers lead
after the first two jams. In a bit of a surprise, the game’s first real excitement came courtesy of Wheeler
jammer Gixx-Her, who, despite being infrequently used at the jammer position and having already lent
her services to the undermanned Paper Dolls in the evening’s earlier bout, raced out to a 10-0 third jam
over Blazin’ Butterfly, one-third of the Posse’s standard jammer triumvirate. The Wheelers’ menacing
defense – clearly the dominant defensive force in the league last year – began to completely stifle the
Posse’s championship jammer rotation of Blazin’, Tootzy Roll-Her, and Skeater Beater, blanking the
Posse in seven of the bout’s first nine jams while holding them to seven points overall. Not content to
allow their defense to perform the entirety of the heavy lifting, the Wheelers’ offense went similarly
ballistic, with Derrierress – returning tanned, rested and ready after 2011’s season-ending injury -
- throwing up another seven unanswered points in the next jam. After a couple of low-scoring jams
left the score at 27-7 in favor of the Wheelers, team captain Boun C. Ballz lowered the boom with an
unanswered triple grand slam in the 7th, putting the Wheelers up big at 42-7. Huge penalty trouble
across the board wrecked the Posse’s 8th jam, allowing to Dizzy Dame to effectively put the game away
in the first half with a 19-0 run that brought the Wheeler lead up to a daunting 61-7. While 61 points
would prove to be all the points the Wheelers would need in the game, Ballz continued the scoring
bonanza with her second triple-grand-slam in the space of three jams, leaving the score at a ridiculous
76-6 after the game’s first nine jams. The Wheelers took the rest of the half off to goof off, allowing
Blazin’ Butterfly to use a major back block penalty on the Derrierress to chop fourteen points off the
Wheeler lead in the 10th jam. Skeater Beater scratched out a point in the next jam, while Tootzy Roll-Her
earned a grand slam at the end of the half to send the Posse to the halftime break trailing 76-27.
The Posse showed some signs of life in the second half, with Skeater blanking Gixx-Her for a grand slam
to start the period, reducing the Posse’s deficit to 44 points at 76-32. Apparently growing tired of such
malarkey, the Derrierress ended the Wheelers four-jam scoreless streak with a quadruple-grand-slam in
the next jam, taking advantage of an ill-timed fourth minor on Posse jammer Tootzy Roll-Her to triple up
the Posse at 96-32. After a relatively sedate 4-0 jam by Boun C. Ballz boosted the Wheelers’ advantage
to 100-32, Dizzy Dame went off for a double-grand-slam to add ten more points to the Wheelers’ lead.
Skeater countered with a grand slam of her own to make the score 110-37,but the Wheelers continued
to grow their lead over the course of the next three jams, despite only claiming lead jammer status in
one of them. With no real reason to worry about anything other than killing clock, Dizzy Dame grabbed
lead for the Wheelers and let the next jam cruise to a 13-8 finish, leaving the Wheelers up 135-53 two-
thirds of the way thru the second period. After a number of jams of no real consequence, Gixx-Her
concluded the game’s scoring with a 12-0 exclamation point, finalizing the parameters of the Wheelers’
revenge for last season’s championship game at 147-60. While it’s certainly too early to panic for the
defending champion Pushy Posse – after all, we’re talking about a team who lost the first three games of
the season in which they eventually won the championship – one would be hard-pressed to claim that,
after this bout, the 8Queen Wheelers – who have played in – and lost – every championship game this
league has had since its inception – don’t look like the early favorites. Dizzy Dame of the Wheelers led all
scorers with 50 points, followed by teammates Boun C. Ballz ((42)), Derrierress ((35)) and Gixx-Her ((22)
). Skeater Beater led the Posse with 30 points, while Blazin’ Butterfly added 24.
Next bout is Saturday, February 21st, at Players Choice! Seeya there ((unless my white cateye
prescription sunglasses are dirty))!

ROLLERGIRL REGIMENT 100, PAPER DOLLS 44

Foxz fanz new and old packed Players Choice in Appleton on January 12th to be part of the pain, pomp, and pageantry that was the Foxz Season 5 opener. A battle of former champions kicked off the madcap rumpus of the 2012 home season, with inaugural-season champions the Rollergirl Regiment taking on the league’s only two-time champions, the Paper Dolls. The Dolls put up a big lead out of the gate, with departing jammer Flirty McFly using a major back-blocking penalty on Regiment jammer Lotta Issues to ring up a fast 10-0 Paper Dolls advantage after the first jam. The Dolls’ advantage was short-lived, however, as the Regiment’s defense stifled the injury-depleted Paper Dolls’ makeshift jamming corps of Flirty, Gixx-Her, Sixx Toe Foo, Olive Glitter and Ninjalina Jolie, holding them scoreless in seven of the next nine jams. After a slow start of their own — the Regiment’s jammer rotation of Lotta, Secretary of Skate and Monkey Shines only mustering seven points of their own thru the first seven jams — the Reg finally broke thru in the eighth jam, with sporadically-used jammer Lulu Palooza going off for an eight point jam which gave the Regiment their first lead, 15-12. After Lotta Issues added two points to their lead in the ninth, Secretary of Skate broke the game wide open with an 18-0 tenth jam, as the Regiment’s defense shut down a beleaguered Sixx Toe Foo to give the Redge a 37-14 advantage. Flirty McFly got eight points back for the Paper Dolls with another superb jam, and the Dolls’ defense stiffened, keeping the Regiment off the board for the remainder of the period. The bout went to halftime with the Dolls’ deficit at a very manageable eight points, 37-29. A huge differential in penalty minutes – two minutes spent in the box for the Dolls, as opposed to the Regiment’s unsightly eleven – also helped keep the Dolls close in the first half.

Lotta Issues broke the Regiment’s three-jam scoreless streak with a 4-0 run to start the second period and put the Reg up 41-29, but it was Secretary of Skate who delivered the knockout punch in the next jam, using a major track cut penalty on Dolls jammer Sixx Toe Foo to ring up an uncontested 20 points, putting the Regiment up big, 61-29, early in the second period. Secretary’s twenty-point jam proved to be more points than the Paper Dolls would muster for the entirety of the second half, with Olive Glitter’s mid-period grand slam the only bright spot in an otherwise moribund half for the Dolls. The Regiment kept their foot on the gas, with 8-0 jams by Secretary in the 5th, and Wilma Fingerdo in the 8th. The Regiment’s final fifteen points were scored by fan favorite Sprocket, whose diminutive size confounded Dolls blockers searching in vain for her legal blocking zones. A fourth minor penalty on Dolls jammer Olive Glitter allowed Sprocket to squirt thru the pack for three grand slams in her first jam since the bad old days of the “jammerless jam” ruleset ((under which the Foxz played their first season)), bringing the Regiment’s scoring up to an even hundred points. The fickle mistress that is the penalty box did no favors to the Paper Dolls in the second period, who doubled up the Regiment’s penalty minutes twelve to six. When the dust settled, the Regiment had tick-tick-BOOMed to a 100-44 victory, and seem well-positioned to make another run at the league title in May. Secretary of Skate led all scorers with 46 points, single-handedly outscoring the entire Paper Dolls team, who were paced by Flirty McFly with 25. No other Dolls scored in double digits. Mz. Shuggah and Sprocket each added 15 for the Regiment.

8QUEEN WHEELERS 149, PUSHY POSSE 60

While the nightcap of the evening’s double-header was a rehash of last season’s championship game, the results were anything but identical, with last season’s runners-up, the 8Queen Wheelers, soundly thrashing defending champions the Pushy Posse in an upset few saw coming.

Things started off in a low-key enough fashion for both squads, with an unremarkable 4-3 Wheelers lead after the first two jams. In a bit of a surprise, the game’s first real excitement came courtesy of Wheeler jammer Gixx-Her, who, despite being infrequently used at the jammer position and having already lent her services to the undermanned Paper Dolls in the evening’s earlier bout, raced out to a 10-0 third jam over Blazin’ Butterfly, one-third of the Posse’s standard jammer triumvirate. The Wheelers’ menacing defense – clearly the dominant defensive force in the league last year – began to completely stifle the Posse’s championship jammer rotation of Blazin’, Tootzy Roll-Her, and Skeater Beater, blanking the Posse in seven of the bout’s first nine jams while holding them to seven points overall. Not content to allow their defense to perform the entirety of the heavy lifting, the Wheelers’ offense went similarly ballistic, with Derrierress – returning tanned, rested and ready after 2011’s season-ending injury — throwing up another seven unanswered points in the next jam. After a couple of low-scoring jams left the score at 27-7 in favor of the Wheelers, team captain Boun C. Ballz lowered the boom with an unanswered triple grand slam in the 7th, putting the Wheelers up big at 42-7. Huge penalty trouble across the board wrecked the Posse’s 8th jam, allowing to Dizzy Dame to effectively put the game away in the first half with a 19-0 run that brought the Wheeler lead up to a daunting 61-7. While 61 points would prove to be all the points the Wheelers would need in the game, Ballz continued the scoring bonanza with her second triple-grand-slam in the space of three jams, leaving the score at a ridiculous 76-6 after the game’s first nine jams. The Wheelers took the rest of the half off to goof off, allowing Blazin’ Butterfly to use a major back block penalty on the Derrierress to chop fourteen points off the Wheeler lead in the 10th jam. Skeater Beater scratched out a point in the next jam, while Tootzy Roll-Her earned a grand slam at the end of the half to send the Posse to the halftime break trailing 76-27.

The Posse showed some signs of life in the second half, with Skeater blanking Gixx-Her for a grand slam to start the period, reducing the Posse’s deficit to 44 points at 76-32. Apparently growing tired of such malarkey, Derrierress ended the Wheelers four-jam scoreless streak with a quadruple-grand-slam in the next jam, taking advantage of an ill-timed fourth minor on Posse jammer Tootzy Roll-Her to triple up the Posse at 96-32. After a relatively sedate 4-0 jam by Boun C. Ballz boosted the Wheelers’ advantage to 100-32, Dizzy Dame went off for a double-grand-slam to add ten more points to the Wheelers’ lead. Skeater countered with a grand slam of her own to make the score 110-37,but the Wheelers continued to grow their lead over the course of the next three jams, despite only claiming lead jammer status in one of them. With no real reason to worry about anything other than killing clock, Dizzy Dame grabbed lead for the Wheelers and let the next jam cruise to a 13-8 finish, leaving the Wheelers up 135-53 two- thirds of the way thru the second period. After a number of jams of no real consequence, Gixx-Her concluded the game’s scoring with a 12-0 exclamation point, finalizing the parameters of the Wheelers’ revenge for last season’s championship game at 147-60. While it’s certainly too early to panic for the defending champion Pushy Posse – after all, we’re talking about a team who lost the first three games of the season in which they eventually won the championship – one would be hard-pressed to claim that, after this bout, the 8Queen Wheelers – who have played in – and lost – every championship game this league has had since its inception – don’t look like the early favorites. Dizzy Dame of the Wheelers led all scorers with 50 points, followed by teammates Boun C. Ballz ((42)), Derrierress ((35)) and Gixx-Her ((22)). Skeater Beater led the Posse with 30 points, while Blazin’ Butterfly added 24.

Next bout is Saturday, February 21st, at Players Choice! Seeya there ((unless my white cateye

prescription sunglasses are dirty))!

FOXZ ROLL ROCKFORD, 138-108

Thursday, September 15th, 2011

You’d have to go back to the Foxz’ first-ever interleague bout — when the Foxz’ Rollergirl Regiment took on Beloit’s Stateline Derby Divas in March 2009 – to find an interleague opponent with whom the Foxz have a longer history than the Rockford Rage. With four meetings between the teams now in ((what passes for the)) record books, the Foxz-Rage rivalry has been percolating — and occasionally bubbling over in a mad froth — since an inaugural April 2009 tilt between the Rage and the Foxz’ Pushy Posse, won handily by the visitors from Illinois. The initial meetings between the teams were one-sided affairs, with Rockford crushing the Foxz ((sometimes both figuratively and literally)) both at home at Player’s Choice, and on the road in Rockford ((historians among you might recall that the first-ever Foxz Scream Puffz bout was on the road at Rockford; the Foxz lost not only the bout, but, via injuries sustained during the course of the game, also lost Bad Luck Charm for the entire season)). The tide turned in Fox Cityz’ favor in 2010, with the Foxz edging out the Rage, 135-121, at the first BrewHaHa tournament in Milwaukee. Since that pivotal third meeting, both teams were accepted as full members of the Women’s Flat Track Derby Association, but neither have put much of a dent in the rankings of the WFTDA’s North Central region, with the Foxz officially ranked outside the top 20, and the Rage not ranked at all. Framed in that context, this most recent Rage-Foxz skirmish could technically be viewed as a battle for not-last place in the division – which is, of course, as good an excuse as any for the Fox Cityz Foxz Scream Puffz and the Rockford Rage to throw down, and, needless to say, throw down they did!

The Rage got off to a quick start, with Barbie Got Back nabbing lead jammer status and riding it out for a quick 4-0 against Foxz star jammer Dizzy Dame. In an early surprise, the Foxz sent inexperienced jammer Norma Leigh Sweet out to start the second jam; Norma got off to a good start, obtaining lead jammer status over the Rage’s Pow Bella, but was unable to get adequate separation over her opposite number, calling the jam before either team could score. The Foxz got on the board in the third jam, with a big 9-0 run courtesy of Dizzy Dame – in a bit of a head- scratcher, Rage jammer Meeso Thorny was actually lead jammer, but failed to call the jam until Dizzy had completed a grand slam and a second scoring pass. With the Foxz up 9-4, Norma Leigh Sweet couldn’t replicate the success of her first trip to the jammer line, allowing the Rage’s Barbie Got Back to grab lead jammer status and four points for the Rage; after four jams, we had a one-point game, Foxz up 9-8. A jammer-by-committee lineup for the Foxz – consisting of Monkey Shines, Boun C. Ballz, Punk ‘N’ Spice, Dizzy Dame and Norma Leigh Sweet – took lead jammer status for the next five jams, with a major back blocking penalty on Rage jammer Pow Bella allowing Dizzy Dame to explode for a huge 14-point outing, establishing a 27-16 lead after nine jams. The Foxz gave almost all the lead back on the very next jam, however, when Norma Leigh Sweet got lead jammer status but, in a costly rookie error, failed to call it off until she had been double-grand-slammed by Barbie Got Back, trimming the Foxz lead back to a single point. Pow Bella grabbed lead jammer status for Rockford next, but was sent to the box on another major track cut after scoring just two points, allowing Boun C. Ballz to rack up another 14-point jam for the Foxz, which extended their lead back to double digits at 41-28. Pow Bella started the twelfth jam in the box, but Punk ‘N’ Spice could only tack on one more point to the Foxz lead before Pow Bella returned to play and forced her to call it off. When a major back blocking penalty sent Dizzy Dame to the penalty box in the next jam, Rockford made their move, scoring 18 points over the course of the next two jams while Dizzy languished, retaking the lead at 54-51. Monkey Shines fared little better in the fifteenth jam, yielding lead jammer and a 9-0 advantage to the Rage’s Barbie Got Back, and, suddenly, the Foxz were looking at a double-digit deficit, trailing 63-51. Dizzy stopped the bleeding somewhat with three points in the next jam, but Barbie Got Back struck back with four points of her own directly thereafter, and Rockford had their largest lead of the game, 67-54. Norma Leigh Sweet gave the team a little momentum going into the half, when a major track cutting penalty on Rage jammer Short Fuse allowed Norma to pick up a period-ending grand slam, and, at halftime, the Rockford lead stood at eight points: 67-59.

Dizzy Dame grabbed lead jammer status coming out of the break, but couldn’t get separation on Barbie Got Back, quickly ending the jam in a scoreless tie. In a ruinous strategic decision for the Rage, Barbie remained on the track as jammer, even though she had just picked up a third minor on a track cut in the previous jam. Lo and behold, Barbie Got Back then picked up her fourth minor on another track cut, resulting in a penalty box trip which allowed Norma Leigh Sweet to go off for a massive, game-changing, triple-grand slam performance which put the Foxz back on top, 74-67. Compounding matters for the Rage, in the next jam, jammer Pow Bella took a seat in the penalty box on a major track cut, allowing Dizzy Dame to tack another ten points onto the Foxz’ suddenly snowballing lead. Both the Foxz and the Rage sent little-used jammers – Killer DoomKitty and Labia GaGa – to the line in the next jam, but, for the third jam in a row, Rockford’s jammer was forced to take a seat in the penalty box – this time on a major back block, which allowed Killer to push the Fox Cityz lead out to 86-67 – a 37-0 run to start the half for the Foxz. After an 11-0 sixth by Dizzy Dame established a 110-71 Fox Cityz lead, the Foxz hit a bit of a dry spell, going scoreless over the next six jams while the never-say-die Rage shaved 25 points off the lead, closing to within 110-96 after twelve jams. Once again, however, the visitors were undone by a jammer penalty – a major back block on Barbie Got Back allowed Monkey Shines to end the Scream Puffz scoring draught, reestablishing decorum at 118-96. Labia GaGa put a scare into the Foxz with a 10-point sixteenth jam, which brought the Rage to within sixteen points, 122-106, but Boun C. Ballz took lead in the next jam to quash any thoughts of rebellion, ending the jam at 125-108. A – what else? – jammer penalty on Rockford in the game’s closing minute allowed Monkey Shines to rack up thirteen unanswered Foxz points to seal the deal at 138-108 in favor of the home team.

Rockford’s Barbie Got Back led all scorers with 63; Dizzy Dame paced the Foxz with 48. Other notable scorers included Pow Bella of Rockford, with 23, while Norma Leigh Sweet and Monkey Shines each kicked in 22 points for the Foxz.

Foxz Double Trouble For Battlestars, Mid-State

Wednesday, April 27th, 2011

April 23rd was the second absolutely classic night of Foxz roller derby at Player’s Choice in Appleton in as many weeks, with the crowd sent home ((or to the Office sports bar)) happy after the Foxz’ Scream Puffz travel team earned their first-ever victory over their big sister league, the Brewcity Battlestars, and the Fox Cityz pickup b-team, the Whipping Screamz, weathered a scare at the hands of the Mid-State Sisters of Skate.

Fox Cityz Foxz Whipping Screamz 80, Mid-State Sisters of Skate 72

On an undercard bout that proved to be much more hotly contested than most expected, the Foxz Whipping Screamz a pickup b-team composed of half rookies, half non-travel team veterans held off the challenge of Stevens Point’s Mid-State Sisters of Skate, who were gracing Player’s Choice with their public bouting debut ((unless you count that event in the hotel ballroom a few weeks ago where they held a demo on a track the size of a Life Saver, and most of us don’t)). Far from being overcome with any manner of discernible stage fright, Natural Born Chaos of the visiting Sisters of Skate claimed the first lead jammer status of the evening, dashing out to a quick 4-0 lead for the visitors in the first jam. Any notion the Screamz might have had that Mid-State could be quickly and easily put in their place was dispelled in the second jam, when a major forearm penalty sent Screamz jammer Olive T. Cause Pain to the penalty box, allowing the Sisters’ Dani Rockets to rocket thru the Screams’ disorganized pack for a triple grand slam, and, just like that, the inexperienced Sisters of Skate were up 19-0 on the home team. Switchblade Hunni got the Screamz off the schneid with four points in the third jam, but this came at the expense of ten more points for the visitors, bumping their lead out to a stunning 25 points after only three jams. The Screamz, who had never actually practiced together as a team, began to pull themselves together a bit, tightening up their defense and holding Mid-State to a miserly four points over the course of the next six jams. Unfortunately, the Screamz’ offense was in the same deep freeze as that of the Sisters; as a result, they were only able to shave two points off their deficit over this span, leaving the score at 33-10 with ten jams in the books. The Screamz’ luck turned in the eleventh jam, however, when a major track cut sent Mid-State jammer Jan-Hell Razor to the box, allowing Screamz captain Dee Pravity to knock out a double grand slam, cutting the Mid-State lead to 33-20 with under two minutes to go in the half. With no lead jammer declared, the Sisters closed the period with a 9-6 flourish, and, at the break, Mid-State held the first halftime lead of their brand spankin’ new existence, 42-26.

Norma Leigh Sweet got the second half going in the right direction for the Screamz with a nifty 4-0 initial jam, and momentum swung solidly to the home team when Mid-State’s Dani Rockets was boxed for a major track cut in the second. In a complete reversal of the circumstances of the first period’s second jam, this time it was Olive T. Cause Pain benefiting from lack of opposition, bashing out a 12-0 run which put the game, the universe, and everything at dead even, 42-all, after two. Following a first half in which they only accrued three minutes’ worth of penalty time, Mid-State began to make up for lost time, quickly sending jammer Jane Gutzall to the box on another major track cut penalty for the team, and paving the way for an 8-0 Screamz jam for the Devil’s Reject, giving the home team their first lead of the bout, 50-42, after three. With Gutzall starting the fourth jam on a Fox Trap folding chair, Norma Leigh Sweet was able to throw down her second 4-0 jam of the period, and yet another jammer penalty in the fifth allowed Olive T. Cause Pain to rack up another ten points for the home team, staking the Screamz to a 64-45 lead after five. After three more jams ((and another Mid-State jammer penalty minute)), the Screamz found themselves up by thirty at 77-47. They had taken lead jammer status in seven of the period’s eight jams, held Mid-State scoreless for six of those eight jams, and outscored them 51-5 in the half. One might think that perhaps Mid-State — beat on hard and down big in the second half of their first-ever bout would be about ready to run up the white flag at this point and sort of dodder off into the sunset. Not quite. With under five minutes to go, a major back block sent Screamz jammer Olive T. Cause Pain to the sin bin. The sin bin apparently agreed with Olive, because, upon release, she immediately committed another major back block, returning whence she came with alarming rapidity. As fate would have it, Screamz blocker Roxxy Rage was also enjoying the creature comforts of the Fox Trap, courtesy of a fourth minor, and this merry course of events allowed Dani Rockets to cut the Screamz’ lead in half with a triple grand slam — with just over two minutes left in the ball game, it was now only 77-62, Screamz. Olive’s starting off the jam in the Fox Trap allowed Kayla Smash to knock out a quick 5-0 on the short-handed Screamz, and, horror of horrors, not only was the Screamz’ lead down to ten measly points, but the home team was also going to start the final jam with two blockers in the box, yielding a 4-2 pack advantage to the upstarts from Stevens Point. Needless to say, the potential for a Rocky-like comeback was immense but, in what might legitimately qualify as the play of the game, Screamz jammer Switchblade Hunni amazingly escaped the pack first, skated out the period clock, and called the jam, finally sealing the deal for the Whipping Screamz. Needless to say, if Mid-State can put up that kind of fight for their first bout, we can’t wait to see what they can do when they’re all grown up!

Mid-State’s Dani Rockets led all scorers with 39 points; Devil’s Reject paced the Screamz with 24.

Fox Cityz Foxz Scream Puffz 132, Brewcity Battlestars 81

In a fast-paced, fiercely-contested contest where almost a quarter of the jams ended scorelessly, it was a handful of big jams which ultimately led the Fox Cityz Foxz Scream Puffz to their first-ever victory over their big sister team, Milwaukee’s Brewcity Battlestars.

Dizzy Dame drew first blood for the Foxz with a quick 1-0 jam to start the bout; the score held up thru a scoreless second. The first big jam of the contest went the Battlestars’ way, with Sevo ringing up thirteen points whilst Slick Nikki of the Foxz languished in the penalty box courtesy of a major back block. With the Battlestars now leading 13-1 after three, the game settled into a rapid, tense groove in which, with a few exceptions, it would remain for the duration of the contest. More often than not, jammers exited the pack with only a few feet of separation between them, calling the jam almost immediately after hitting the pack. While the Foxz obtained lead jammer status twice as frequently as their vistors from the south, the speed of the Battlestars jammers on the open court often flustered the Foxz, forcing them to call the jam early. This violent nickel-and-diming continued practically unabated for the first twenty minutes of the period, with Sevo’s 13-point third and a 7-point seventh for the Foxz’ Monkey Shines constituting the only multi-scoring-pass jams therein. With the Battlestars up nine at 27-18, the Foxz’ first huge jam of the contest came when Sevo was sent to the Fox Trap on a major track cut, allowing Slick Nikki to repay the favor so graciously extended by Sevo in the third jam, and ringing up a huge 15-0 fifteenth jam that wrested the lead back to the Foxz, 33-27. The game returned to its normal pace, with the Battlestars slowly nibbling away at the Foxz lead. Clinging to a three-point advantage at 37-34, the Foxz busted out their second big jam of the night in the period’s 21st jam and this time, they didn’t need penalty help to do it. Behind the smothering defense of Punk ‘n’ Spice, Boun C. Ballz, Secretary of Skate and Tootzy RollHer, the Foxz absolutely shut down Battlestar jammer Candy Acid, trapping her behind a wall of white and pink while Foxz’ jammer Dizzy Dame shot thru the pack untouched for a triple grand slam. Adding insult to injury, when a frustrated Candy Acid passed the jammer star to her pivot, 10Acious-D, Scream Puffz co-captain Punk ‘n’ Spice sniffed out the play immediately, leveling 10Acious-D with a vicious hit that drew roars of approval from the crowd. When the dust had settled, the Foxz entered halftime with a seventeen-point lead, 52-35.

The game resumed its original character in the second half, with small momentum swings back and forth. Lady Pulverizer was able to bring the Battlestars within ten at 58-48 after four, but Dizzy Dame stretched the Puffz’ lead back to 67-48 in the fifth. Once again, Lady Pulverizer brought the Battlestars within six in the seventh, 67-61, but Dizzy Dame again stretched the Foxz’ lead out to double digits, 75-65, in the ninth. T-Lo got the Battlestars within six again in the eleventh, 75-69, but all hell broke loose in the twelfth, when the Foxz pulled off their third big jam. When the Battlestars lost their jammer and a blocker to the ravages of the sin bin, the Puffz roped a goat ((i.e., trapped an opposing skater behind them, allowing them to legally slow the speed of the pack down to roughly the speed of molasses on crutches walking uphill in January)), allowing jammer Lotta Issues to go off for her second 25-point jam in as many games. Suddenly, just past the midway point of the second period, the Puffz had broken the game wide open, establishing a 31 point lead on the Battlestars, 100-69. The teams went back to scratching out points here and there, but the Foxz put the game away for good with their fourth and final big jam, when captain Lolly PopYa took advantage of a major back block penalty on T-Lo to drop twenty unanswered points on the Battlestars in the period’s twentieth jam. The Puffz ended the game by taking their seventh lead jammer status in a row, earning a 132-81 victory over Brewcity’s B-team. The final score doesn’t really do justice to how closely contested this bout was; the Foxz scored 75 of their points in four huge jams, and only 57 points in the remaining 39.

Dizzy Dame led all scorers with 54 points; Lotta Issues scored all 25 of her points in one jam, but that was good enough to be the game’s second-highest scoring skater. Lady Pulverizer led the Battlestars with 21. Both the Scream Puffz and the Battlestars will be bouting in the Midwest BrewHaHa tournament in Milwaukee May 21st & 22nd, though they won’t be playing each other.

Wheelers Keep On Truckin’ – Regiment Keep On Rollin’

Tuesday, March 22nd, 2011

3/21/11- The third intra-league double-header of the Foxz’ 2011 season was a raucous humdinger indeed, with the hardest working ladies in show biz putting on quite a show for the crowd at Players Choice on March 19th. The results of this evening set up the final matchups for Semi-Finals April 9th, so, y’know, there’s that.

8Queen Wheelers 99, Pushy Posse 64

The Wheelers started the season strong by knocking off defending champs the Paper Dolls, but, after a surprising clobbering at the hands of the Rollergirl Regiment last month, were still in the process of establishing whether they’re legit contenders for the league championship in May. The Posse, who haven’t tasted the delicious cupcake of victory for two years now, had much more modest goals in mind: Get the first win of the year, and dodge the angry spectre of a potential third season without a win.

The bout started with tough defensive play on both sides, with the offenses limited to a handful of single-scoring-jams between them. After nine jams, the Wheelers had scratched out a hard-fought four-point lead in this pitchers’ battle, 13-9. Things erupted in the tenth, however, when Posse jammer Blazin’ Butterly was sent to the penalty box on a low block, allowing Dizzy Dame to ring up 19 unanswered points for the Wheelers, and suddenly, the Wheelers had broken the game open at 32-9.

The Wheelers wasted no time in attacking their reeling opponent: Boun C. Ballz and Wilma Fingerdo combined for a 5-0, 4-0, 4-0 sequence for the Wheelers, bumping their lead out to a suddenly imposing 45-9 after 13. Following a 2-2 wash between Killer Doomkitty and Blazin’ Butterfly in the 14th, Dizzy Dame was back at it with an 8-4 Wheeler jam over Olive T. Cause Pain, followed by another 4-0 jam for Boun C. Balls, this time at the expense of Tootzy Roll-Her. A full box for the Posse allowed Dizzy to close out the half with a 5-0 run, and, at the end of the period, the Posse found themselves down by the rather imposing margin of 64-15.

The Posse must’ve popped their Underdog Super Energy Pills in the locker room at halftime, as they were able to nab lead jammer status in all of the first four jams of the second period, while holding the Wheelers to a single point during that time. This resulted in an 11-1 run for the Posse, bringing the score to a much more manageable 65-26 after four.

The Wheelers righted the ship ((truck?)) in the fifth, with Boun C. Ballz zooming to an 8-0 jam over Skeater Beater, which bumped the Wheeler lead out to 73-27. After a number of low-scoring jams, Ballz dropped an 11-4 over the beleaguered Skeater, taking the Wheelers lead out to 84-37 midway thru the second period.

With Boun C. Ballz boxed for a low block in the 10th, Blazin’ Butterfly was able to flap to a double-grand slam for the Posse, cutting the Wheeler lead to 84-47. The Posse were able to hold the Wheelers off the board entirely for the next three jams, but were only able to shave eight points off the lead during that time, inching closer at 84-55 after thirteen jams. After a 4-4 fourteenth, Killer DoomKitty used a full Posse penalty box to reciprocate the double grand slam, essentially icing the game for the Wheelers.

Dizzy Dame of the 8Queen Wheelers led all scorers with 54, whilst Skeater Beater paced the Posse with 17. The workhorses of the game were Boun C. Ballz and Jeanine Dropaho, who each skated in 70% of the jams for the Wheelers.

Rollergirl Regiment 84, Paper Dolls 72

This epic battle of former champions featured two participants in radically dissimilar states of repair: The Paper Dolls, after dominating the league for the last two seasons, have found their 2011 roster thinned substantially by retirements, injuries, and draft re-entries; consequently, they were only able to field a paltry six healthy bodies for the evening’s contest, and were thusly forced to borrow three skaters from other teams in order to scrape together some semblance of a roster. The Regiment, meanwhile, were in the pink of health, whatever that means, and able to field a full fourteen-skater roster for what turned out to be one of the most exciting bouts ever held at Players Choice.

The Regiment got off to an inauspicious start, with a major track cut sending jammer Lotta Issues to the box in the first jam. The Redge defense was able to kill the penalty without incident, and the jam ended in a scoreless tie. It was more of the same for the Redge in the second jam, with major track cuts sending jammer Cherry Grenade and blocker Monkey Shines to the sin bin, allowing Lolly PopYa to explode for a huge 19-0 run for the Paper Dolls — whom, all assumptions to the contrary, were suddenly looking like the Paper Dolls of old.

Three skaters on each team would serve penalty minutes in the third, including Paper Dolls jammer Slick Nikki, which allowed Secretary of Skate to turn the game’s momentum around completely for the Regiment with a huge 22-0 powerjam, staking her team to a three point lead at 22-19. This would start a streak of six straight scoreless jams for the Dolls, as well as seven straight lead jammers for the Regiment. When a fourth minor sent Slick back to the box in the 8th, Secretary knocked out another big jam this one a 10-0 fling that put the Redge up 41-19 after eight.

Cherry Grenade worked a 6-2 victory in the twelfth over hired gun Bad Azz Butterfly, who had played earlier in the evening with her regular team, the Pushy Posse, which bumped the Regiment lead out to 50-23, but the Redge were held scoreless for the rest of the half by the hard-working Dolls defense. When Secretary of Skate was boxed for a major track cut, Slick Nikki finished out the half with a 9-0 run which moved the Dolls to within sixteen, Regiment up 50-34 at the half. Unfortunately, this mild resurgence was coupled with yet another setback for the Dolls: Original Paper Doll Vixin de SlamHer injured her knee just before the half and will be lost for the remainder of the season, bringing the number of currently healthy Dolls down to a scarily low five. Yikes!

Apparently unconcerned that they were fielding eight skaters to the Regiment’s fourteen, Slick Nikki earned a 3-0 over Lotta Issues to start the second half, bringing the dolls within thirteen to start the half. With Regiment blockers Roxxy Rage and Mz. Shuggah in the box, the Paper Dolls pack was able to completely smother Redge jammer Cherry Grenade, allowing Lolly PopYa to go off for her second 19-0 jam of the game, and emphatically wresting the lead back for the Dolls, 56-50.

Secretary of Skate countered with a 4-0 third to bring the Redge back within two, but Lolly countered that with a 4-0 fourth, putting the Dolls lead back at an even half-dozen, 60-54. After a 0-0 fifth, a 4-3 Dolls sixth, and a 6-6 seventh, Cherry Grenade went 4-0 in the eighth to bring the Regiment back within three, at 70-67. This would start the bout’s second streak of six scoreless jams for the Dolls; meanwhile, the Redge would own the lead jammer category for the last eight jams.

Secretary of Skate put the Regiment up for good with a 4-0 ninth, establishing a slim 71-70 lead. The Redge would score a modest nine points over the next four jams, but continued to burn clock and keep the Dolls off the board. Cherry Grenade would grab the final lead jammer status of the game, and, watching the game clock tick out, called the jam to seal the victory for the Rollergirl Regiment, 84-72.

Lolly PopYa of the Paper Dolls led all scorers with 48 points in a losing effort; Secretary of Skate led the way for the Regiment, with 40. The workhorse of the night was Woman O War of the Paper Dolls, who played in an astounding 85% of her team’s jams. Jeanine Dropaho, on loan to the Dolls from the 8Queen Wheelers, played in over half of her adopted team’s jams after having played in 70% of the jams of the Wheelers-Posse bout earlier in the evening. Yikes!

With a 3-0 record, the Rollergirl Regiment are the league’s top seed, and will face off against the winless Pushy Posse at the league semifinals at Players Choice in Appleton April 9th. The 2-1 Wheelers will face the 1-2 Paper Dolls, with the winners moving on to the championship bout in May.

Foxz Fallz to Doll Starz ((Againz))

Wednesday, March 9th, 2011

3/8/11-The Fox Cityz Foxz Scream Puffz completed an unfortunate trifecta in the ((painfully)) early morning hours of Sunday, March 6th, falling to fellow WFTDA members ((and lower-case z pluralizerz)) the Sioux Falls Roller Dollz Doll Starz for the third time in the last ten months. Hosting what is colloquially referred to as a “hangover bout” – an unpublicized, low-key affair held when a traveling team happens to be in town long enough to participate in a quick, but fully-sanctioned, game – the Foxz added a 227-83 home loss to an October road loss and May 2010 neutral site shellacking at the hands of the rugged South Dakotans.

After a 0-0 first jam, the Foxz started the second jam with pivot Woman O War in the penalty box on an out-of-bounds block. WoW was quickly and unfortunately joined by Foxz jammer Boun C Ballz, and the visitors wasted no time in exploiting their numerical advantage, racing thru the depleted Fox Cityz pack for multiple grand slams. Just as WoW was returning to play, Wilma Fingerdo was boxed on a low block, maintaining a 4-3 pack advantage for Sioux Falls which they continued to ruthlessly exploit. Ballz was able to scratch out four points at the end of the jam, but the damage had been done: When the dust had settled, Julia Wild had staked the Roller Dollz to a 23-4 lead, and the wild rumpus was in full swing.

Any Foxz hope of getting back in the game evaporated in a haze of penalty minutes – the Foxz went seventeen straight jams before managing to keep all five skaters on the track from whistle to whistle, ringing up well upwards of twenty minutes of penalty time in the first half. By comparison, the Doll Starz benefited from a fairly clean game, earning only six total penalty minutes in the period. This disparity in sin bin occupancy allowed the Doll Starz' jammer rotation of Hollicidal Maniac, Julia Wild, and Jackie O'Smashus to put up some pretty gaudy numbers, ringing up multiple scoring passes on nine of the period's eighteen jams. Secretary of Skate used a powerjam situation in the last ham of the half to break thru for the Foxz sole multiple scoring pass jam of the period, but, at the break, the shell-shocked Foxz found themselves down by the rather distressing margin of 151-29.

The Foxz found some equilibrium in the second period as the penalty minutes began to even out, and were able to hold the Doll Starz to only three multiple scoring pass jams for the half. And, although the Foxz took lead jammer status for seven of the first nine jams of the period, they ultimately could manifest no answer for the Roller Dollz' simple-but-effective strategy of racing out and walling off the front of the pack. The home team repeatedly attempted to neutralize the Doll Starz' walls by trapping a stray Doll Star at the rear of the pack, but the visitors continually countered this counter-strategy by slowing their speed to match the Foxz' pace, never skating past the twenty foot limit that would put them out of play and force them to yield the right-of-way to the Foxz' jammer. The Foxz had no counter-counter-counter strategy in place, and their beleaguered jammer corps spent the morning futilely pounding against the Roller Dollz' walls like so many waves against the Kewaunee breakwater. Highlights for the Foxz included a 20-0 fourth-jam outburst by Lotta Issues ((which accounted for nearly a quarter of the team's total score)), followed by a nice 9-0 sixth by Lolly PopYa, but the Doll Starz took lead for the next six jams in a row, offsetting the Foxz' scoring with a huge 23-0 powerjam in the eleventh courtesy of Hollicidal Maniac. The final score of 227-83 was only a few points off the 229-79 result from October's meeting. Wacky!

Hollicidal Maniac of the Roller Dollz led all scorers with 84 points; Lotta Issues paced the Foxz with 24.

Regiment Rock, Wheelers Roll ((and the Packers win too)) at Foxz 2011 Home Season Opener

Tuesday, January 18th, 2011

1/17/11-The Fox Cityz Foxz 2011 season opener went swimmingly — despite the unenviable position of directly competing with a Green Bay Packers playoff game – featuring upsets, hijinx, and flat track action galore.

Rollergirl Regiment 88, Pushy Posse 63

The league’s first champions – the Rollergirl Regiment — began the new season devoid of the services of the Foxz’ leading scorer of 2010, Cherry Grenade, sidelined indefinitely due to injury. The league’s only team to never post a winning season – the Pushy Posse – started the new campaign from the opposite side of the spectrum, having acquired veteran jammer Tootzy RollHer from the Paper Dolls. The Regiment took lead jammer status for the first two jams, propelling themselves to a modest 7-4 lead in the process, but the Posse used a clockwork jammer rotation of Blazin’ Butterfly, Skeater Beater, and Tootzy RollHer to grab lead jammer for the next three jams, knotting the score at 14-all after five. Secretary of Skate broke the Posse’s grip on lead jammer, nudging the Redge back into the lead at 16-14 after six, but when Redge jammer Lotta Issues wound up in the box on a track cutting major, Blazin’ Butterfly cut loose with the first big offensive jam of the game, a 10-0, three-pass jam that put the Posse up 24-16 midway thru the first period. The teams battled thru a number of mainly single-pass jams for the duration of the half, with penalty trouble allowing Secretary of Skate and Skeater Beater to run up offsetting 10-0 jams late in the period. At the break, the Posse held a 43-34 edge over the Regiment, which, being a palindrome, was surely cause for drinking on the part of the spectators.

The Posse looked to be in good shape to start the second period, nabbing lead jammer status each of the first four jams and building a 53-40 lead. Unfortunately for the Posse, that would be the last time in the game that they’d sniff the glorious Finger Of Power that signifies lead jammer status. A blocking-with-the-head major on Blazin’ Butterfly allowed Lotta Issues to start the Redge comeback with a 10-0 fifth, cutting the Posse’s lead to three points at 53-50. After a 7-7 sixth, the Redge took the lead after diminutive Regiment blocker S.P.Rocket drew a major back block penalty on Posse jammer Toozy RollHer, allowing Mexi Kanyoo Azz to skate her way to a game-turning 15-0 jam which gave the Redge the lead for good at 72-60 midway thru the second period. The Regiment then took control of the game, owning the lead jammer position and completely shutting down the Posse, who wouldn’t score again until the game’s final jam. The final score of Regiment 88, Posse 63, fails to reflect how competitive this bout actually was. Skeater Beater lead all scorers with 30 points in a losing effort, whilst Lotta Issues paced the Regiment with 28.

8Queen Wheelers 109, Paper Dolls 49

The Paper Dolls hadn’t lost to – and, in point of fact, hadn’t even come CLOSE to losing to — a fellow Foxz league team since the semifinals of the league’s inaugural season, an April 2008 dispatching at the hands of the league’s eventual first champions, the Rollergirl Regiment. Putting this in historical context, since the Paper Dolls’ last loss ((not counting a drubbing at the hands of the visiting Brewcity Battlestars in 2009)), the 8Queen Wheelers have played for a championship, switched venues, gone on a one-year hiatus, come back into the league, and played for another championship. The Paper Dolls completely dominated the league for the last two seasons, but 2011 finds them without the services of numerous team mainstays, who either left via retirement ((Anya B. Hinds, Libby Doe, and the Foxz’ all-time leading scorer, Tartelette)) or by re-entering the draft ((Tootzy RollHer, Killer DoomKitty)). In short, the Dolls were probably about due for a loss, but few fans in the building were prepared for the degree of thoroughness with which they were dismantled by the suddenly-resurgent 8Queen Wheelers.

Things started in typical Paper Dolls fashion for the first three jams – short, precise, single-pass jams which staked the Dolls to an early 10-3 lead. In the fourth jam, however, things got kinda weird: Paper Dolls speed demon Slick Nikki was sent to the box for a major back block, allowing former teammate Killer DoomKitty – a defensive specialist who jammed infrequently ((though with some degree of success)) for the Dolls in past seasons – to ring up a shocking 9-0 jam, giving the Wheelers a 12-10 lead after four. With Nikki starting off the fifth in the sin bin, Boun C Ballz added two more quick points for the Wheelers, then Dizzy Dame knocked out a 9-3 fifth over Bad Luck Charm ((making her first foray back to the squared oval since a 2009 travel team injury sustained at the hands of the Rockford Rage)) and Boun C. Ballz muscled out a 5-0 seventh over Lolly PopYa, and suddenly, at the midway point of the first period, the Wheelers had staked themselves to a tidy 28-13 lead. The Dolls grabbed lead jammer status the next two jams, enabling them to cut the Wheelers’ lead down to 11, but the Wheelers took lead jammer for the last four jams of the half, staking themselves to a twenty point halftime lead, 47-27.

The Dolls – whose jammer corps was once so deep as to be an almost comical embarrassment of riches – began the second half clearly trying to sort out their third jammer spot on the fly. With Bad Luck Charm just returning from a long layoff, Tartelette and Tootzy gone, and Killer DoomKitty ((of all the noive!)) on the other team, the Dolls tried to augment their one-two punch of Lolly PopYa and Slick Nikki by committee, sending Vixin de SlamHer, Sixx Toe Foo, Bad Luck Charm, Woman O’ War and the Devil’s Reject out to the jammer line, with negligible success. The Wheelers’ defense didn’t seem to care whom the Dolls were jamming against them; they shut down all comers with equal aplomb and vigor. Dizzy Dame bashed out a 10-0 romp to start the period, extending the Wheelers’ lead to 30, followed by a pair of surgical 4-0 strikes by Ballz and Dizzy again, and the Dolls were down 65-27 after three jams. Sixx Toe Foo got the only multi-scoring-pass jam of the half for the Dolls, but couldn’t shave more than three points off the Wheelers’ lead. The Dolls dominated lead jammer status for the middle of the period — nabbing lead jammer for six straight jams – but the tough Wheelers’ defense only gave five points back to the Dolls over this stretch maintaining a 30 point Wheeler lead at 78-48 after eleven jams.

The metaphorical roof caved metaphorically in for the Dolls in the thirteenth, when Lolly PopYa was boxed for a major elbows call, joining two teammates in the Fox Trap. With the Dolls down to a two-skater pack, Boun C. Ballz reeled off a stunning 15-0 triple grand slam to put the game out of reach at 93-48. Worse yet for the Dolls, the Wheelers’ stout defense had wreaked so much havoc with the Dolls’ depleted pack that they had multiple skaters waiting for a seat to open up in the penalty box – the very definition of “foul trouble.” Dizzy, Ballz and Wilma Fingerdo leveraged this chaos to throw another sixteen points up on the board for the Wheelers; Slick Nikki scored the sole Paper Doll point of the last six jams. When the dust had settled, the upstart 8Queen Wheelers – skating without their injured co-captain, the Derrieress, and only nine rostered skaters – had throttled the defending champions by sixty points, 109-49. Boun C. Ballz led all scorers with 50 points; Lolly PopYa led the way for the Dolls with 21. Oh yeah, Aaron Rodgers threw for three touchdowns and ran for another. Bring on the Bears!

Vampires Soar, Zombies Stumble, She-Wolves Exhibit Odd Grooming Habits at Second Annual Monsterz Brawl

Saturday, December 11th, 2010

12/10/10-The second annual Fox Cityz Foxz “Monsterz Brawl” Halloween mixer was held this past November 13th, and ended much the same way the 2009 version did: The Vampires drew blood and the Zombies got brained. The 2010 Monsterz Brawl featured a new addition in the form of a third team – the She-Wolves – allowing the Brawl to expand into a three-team round robin, for those of you who just can’t get enough Halloween-themed roller derby ((or those of you who just miss the three-way round robin structure we had during the dark days of Season 2’s league contraction)). This year’s Halloween mixer featured guest skaters from the Foxz’ “big sister” team, the Brewcity Bruisers, as well as their interstate rivals, the Rockford Rage ((not to mention a heck of a bake sale!)).

The first game pitted last year’s champions, The Vampire Vixens, against last year’s also-rans, the Zombie Bombshells. The Vampire Vixens wasted no time in drawing first blood, using early penalty Zombie penalty trouble to strike with two quick 5-0 jams courtesy of Dizzy Damned ((aka Dizzy Dame)) and Skeater Beater, putting the Vampires up by double digits, 10-0, after two jams. The Zombie Bombshells got their first lead jammer of the evening when Meeso Thorny ((visiting from Rockford)) took lead over the Vampires’ Sevo ((visiting from Brewcity)), but both skaters hit the pack neck-and-neck, forcing Meeso to call the jam early to preserve a slim 3-2 edge to put the Zombies on the board at 13-2. More penalty trouble for the Zombies allowed Bad Luck Charm and Dizzy Damned to post another pair of five-point jams for the Vampires, pushing the Zombie edge out to 22-8 after five jams. The Zombies retaliated with a pair of lead jammerdoms courtesy of Meeso Thorny and Blazin’ Butterfly, cutting the Vampires’ lead to a manageable ten points, 25-15, after seven jams. Once again, penalty trouble allowed Bad Luck Charm and Dizzy Damned to add to the Vampires’ advantage in tidy five-point chunks, with 6-1 and 5-0 jams extending the Vampire lead to 36-16 after nine jams. Blazin’ Butterfly struck back for the Zombies with a huge 9-0 outburst, which was partially countered by Sevo’s 5-0 run for the Vampires directly thereafter. Figuring tournabout was fair play, Meeso Thorny took advantage of an illegal procedure major on Vampire jammer Bad Luck Charm to end the half with a big 10-2 jam, bringing the Vampire lead down to single digits, 43-35, at the end of the first period.

Returning from their coffin break, the Vampire Vixens were firing on all cylinders to start the second half. The Vixens took lead jammer each of the first four jams, culminating in a 15-0 bloodbath for Dizzy Damned following a back block major whistled on Zombie jammer Blazin’ Butterfly, pushing the Vampire lead out to 66-39. Meeso Thorny grabbed lead for the Zombies in the fifth, but couldn’t stop Skeater Beater from outdueling her, 5-4, extending the Vampire lead to 71-40. The Vampire Vixens took lead jammer status for the next five jams in a row; to their credit, the Zombie Bombshells were able to keep enough brains about them that the Vampires only extended their lead by four points during this period. Most Valuable Zombie Meeso Thorny nabbed a consolation lead jammer status and a 10-8 win in the eleventh jam, but, when all was said and done, the Vampire Vixens had flapped their way to victory over the Zombie Bombshells for the second year in a row, 91-61. Dizzy Dam((n))e((d)) of the Vampires led all scorers with 42 points; Meeso Thorny led the Zombies with 37.

The Vampire Vixens had scant time to bask in the adulation of the masses, however, as they returned to the track almost immediately to take on the hair-raising challenge of the tournament’s “newest” team, the She-Wolves. The game started off with both teams playing things a bit close to the metaphorical vest, with the Vampires nudging to a 4-3 edge after two jams. A major track cut whistled on She-Wolves jammer Secretary of Skate allowed Sevo to break open the scoring for the Vampire Vixens, ringing up an 8-0 third jam whilst Secretary served her time, and posting the first significant lead of the game in favor of the Vampires, 12-3. SOS also started the fourth jam in the box, allowing Bad Luck Charm to go off for a double grand slam in her absence, bolstering the Vampire advantage to a suddenly blood-curdling 22-3 after four jams. Dizzy Damned added a quick 8-0 for the Vampires, and the She-Wolves suddenly found themselves down by a relatively hairy 30-3. The She-Wolves bit back, however, grabbing lead jammer status each of the next five jams, with Mistress Miter Saw using Vampire jammer penalty woes to rack up a grand slam in the seventh, and a double grand slam in the ninth, helping the She-Wolves slash the deficit to 36-26 after ten. Skeater Beater and Sevo got five of the points back for the Vampires to end the half, who concluded the half up by fifteen, at 43-28.

Fur E. Ballz cut the Vampire lead back down to ten points with a 5-0 grand slam for the She-Wolves to open the second period, but Dizzy Damned returned fire with a 5-0 jam for the Vampire Vixens to reclaim a fifteen-point lead. In some sort of wacky, see-saw, Bugs-Bunny-like battle of reciprocal 5-0 jams, Mistress Miter Saw cut the She-Wolves deficit back to ten points in the third, leaving the score at 48-38 in favor of the Vampires. After a couple of low-scoring jams, the Vampires emerged from the dead and went to work, using She-Wolf penalty troubles to grab lead jammer status for the next four jams — holding the Wolves off the scoreboard in the process – and running their lead out to 61-40 after nine jams. Mistress Miter Saw tried to claw the She-Wolves back into it with a 5-0 tenth, followed by a 9-5 eleventh by teammate Tootzy RollHer, scratching the Vampire lead down to a doable twelve points, 66-54, with time enough for one last jam. It looked like the She-Wolves might have indeed had a hope in heck in catching the Vampires when Fur E. Ballz grabbed the last lead jammer status of the game, but, try as she might, Ballz could not shake Dizzy Damned, who stayed on her somewhat-literal tail for the duration of the jam, only allowing her to shave a single point off the Vampires’ margin of victory. When the jam clock ran down, the Vampire Vixens remained eternally undefeated, overcoming the She-Wolves in a snarly one, 71-60. In a losing effort, Mistress Miter Saw of the She-Wolves led all scorers with 25 points. Skeater Beater and Dizzy Damned each had 22 points for the Vampire Vixens.

For the third and final bout of the evening, the She-Wolves ((who had, at this point in time, become crowd favorites, primarily because of their funky costumes, which included more simulated body hair than a prudent writer would care to discuss)) remained on the squared oval to take on the Zombie Bombshells – presumably tanned, rested and ready ((or, at bare minimum, two of the three)) after their long break between games. The She-Wolves pounced on the Zombies early, however, with Fur E. Ballz, Mistress Miter Saw and Tootzy RollerHer grabbing lead jammer status each of the first three jams, whilst racing the She-Wolves out to a quick 17-0 lead. Blazin’ Butterfly got the Zombies off the schneid with a 2-0 fourth, followed by a quick 1-0 fifth for the Zombies, courtesy of the visiting Sin Of The Dead, leaving the score at 17-3, She-Wolves, after five. Meeso Thorny cut further into the She-Wolf lead with a frantic 9-7 sixth, but She-Wolves jammer Tootzy RollHer went off for a 16-4 romp in the seventh. Teammate Fur E. Ballz then went Ballz-listic in the next jam, running up a huge 20-0 jam for the Wolves, pushing their lead out to an imposing 60-16 after eight. The She-Wolves kept the Zombies off the board for the rest of the half, with Mistress Miter Saw and Tootzy RollHer adding four and eight points, respectively, to extend the She-Wolves lead to a rather healthy 72-16 at the half. 

Mistress Miter Saw picked up where things left off for the She-Wolves to open the second half, adding a 6-0 run to bolster the Wolves’ advantage to 78-16. Meeso Thorny and Blazin’ Butterfly were able to gain lead jammer status over the course of the next two jams, but could only whittle a point off their deficit each jam. The She-Wolves then clamped down on defense, keeping the Zombies off the board for the next four jams, and using a triple grand slam by Killer Doomkitty and single grand slam by Ur Askin 4 It to boot their lead out to an insurmountable 106-23 after seven. Visitors Meeso Thorny and Sin Of The Dead added four and one points, respectively, for the Zombies, but this was more than offset by Tootzy RollHer’s triple grand slam for the She-Wolves in the game’s final jam, culminating in a She-Wolves victory, 125-28, who came as close as any roller derby team has ever come to the never-before-accomplished-at-Player’s-Choice feat of achieving a triple-digit lead over the other team. Tootzy RollHer of the She-Wolves led all scorers with 44 points; her teammate, Fur E. Ballz kicked in 37. Once again, Meeso Thorny, with 15, paced the Vampires. Defensive honors go to the She-Wolves’ Jen Detta, visiting from Rockford, whom, as always, left a trail of carnage and broken bodies in her wake.

Brewcity Bruisers Battlestars 111, Fox Cityz Foxz 81

Wednesday, July 14th, 2010

7/13/10-In a resounding case of “hey, there are a lot worse ways you could be spending your Sunday afternoon,” the Battlestars – Brewcity’s B-team – hied themselves thither from Milwaukee to Player’s Choice in Appleton, WI, taking on their protégé league, the Fox Cityz Foxz, in a closed bout.

Both teams started off the cordial, fast-paced bout by scoring four points in the first jam, but an 8-0 run by amazingly nimble Battlestars newcomer Skittle put the visitors up 12-4 after two jams. The Foxz responded in kind, with team captain Lolly PopYa’s 9-0 outburst in the third jam putting the Foxz on top 13-12. Multi-scoring-pass jams would become harder to acquire than shea butter in a leper colony from this point forward, with both teams opting towards quick, hit-it-and-quit-it tactics for the rest of the afternoon. The deceptively elusive Latina Heat put the Battlestars back up 15-14 in the fourth, but a 4-0 run by Lolly PopYa regained the lead for the Foxz in the eighth jam., Subsequent 4-0 jams by Tootzy RollHer and Slick Nikki, aided in no small part by the Foxz’ front pack control, pushed the Foxz’ lead out to 32-21 midway thru the first period. 

The Battlestars quickly regrouped and stiffened up their defense, with Sevo taking full advantage of Foxz penalty troubles to ring up a 9-0 thirteenth jam to put the Battlestars up for good, 39-36. Each team could only scratch out six points over the course of the period’s last seven jams, and, at halftime, the score stood at 45-42, Battlestars.

The second period started auspiciously enough for the Foxz, with Slick Nikki’s 4-1 run over Sevo providing just enough points to knot the score at 46 after the first jam of the half — but the Foxz completely imploded over the course of the next five jams, being outscored 34-0 in the midst of numerous strategic miscues and communication breakdowns ((if I may invoke the dread spectre of Page and Plant — to say nothing of a 15-point rampage by Brewcity mainstay Fidela Castrate)) which left the score at 80-46, Battlestars.

Following that ten minutes of crashing and burning, the Foxz regained their composure and the game returned to its earlier equilibrium, with neither team able to nudge the score more than a few points either way. When all was said and done, the big WFTDA sisters from downstate were able to preserve a 111-81 victory over their padawans, and a splendid time was had by all. Skittle of the Battlestars led all scorers with 39 points; Cherry Grenade paced the Foxz with 36. The Battlestars will face off against North Star’s b-squad, the Northern Lights, as a precursor to July 17th’s Brewcity-North Star bout at the Franklin Sports Complex in Milwaukee; the Foxz head to Columbus to tangle with the Ohio Rollergirls on July 24th.